radar

i was planning at saying hello to momon 2 days ago but i always forget when i am already online. probably because my mind is bugged by layout revisions, deadlines and other work matters. plus, my desperation of sorts.

it was only today that i was able to actually say 'kamusta' to momon. it was really nice to hear (in his words) his excitement on the Black Pencil Project. this coming saturday, they'll be going back to Banaue with 2,000 pencils (am i correct with the quantity?) to giveaway to the local kids. nice, noh? his events-slash-advocacy activities will also be covered by some local and some national media... and that's great.

suddenly, he said something like "i hope you're ok", "you didn't sound ok kasi eh".... at first, my reply to him was something like, "i'm ok," because i didn't want to kill his happy thoughts. i didn't want to give him my sad tales. i don't want to burden him. if he's happy, i want to be happy.

until he said something like, "i'm not ok that's why i have these things goin' on." my first reaction (inside my mind) was, "Oh." ..i went blank, still had hesitations but then, i blurted out "actually, i'm not ok." then he said, "sabi na nga ba eh." i answered, "ang lakas ng radar mo ah." to comfort me, he started sending me "mama mary loves you", "prayer works" and the works. it took me several seconds to reply, "yah".

bests are bests for life. no matter how i deny things, most of the time he knows. he just knows. it's like maternal instinct. in his case, it's like fraternal instinct. not as a twin but as a brother (from another mother). he senses. and it seems natural for me to feel understood, backed up, encouraged and enlightened when he's there. even if it's just through chat or sms.

earlier this day i was thinking "at least in Makati, i have friends i can talk to. it's just different here." i'm probably thinking of momon, gail, kana... and xaymaca... and the comfort of Makati. hehe natawa nga ako nung sinasabayan ko yung commercial. sabi nung commercial, "dito lang me mayro'ng kakampi." unconsciously i uttered, "dito lang me walang kakampi...ay...," realizing i said the wrong lyrics.

most of the time, it feels like i am alone in the battle... and sometimes it's like throwing punches in the air. i know i'm strong. i know it for a fact. sabi nga ni Lea (years ago) and ni Joel (a few months back), magaling daw ako magdala ng problema. hindi daw halata. lagi ako naka-ngiti.

in a moment in my life i already told myself that i will do everything to make things go my way; i'll make things work. but it gets sad, you know. the warrior gets lonely, gets weary and tired, too.

==--==

it's thanksgiving day nga pala..... thank You. :)

below is my thanksgiving artwork -- The Dugyots. i named the artwork as such because it was only made using 'paint'. with the help of this inutil PC. i told Janys that if i would put up my own band, i would name it 'The Dugyots'. shocks, we would be a hit! i can already tell! ;) hehe