human weakness is not human error

the discovery of human weakness this morning is another confirmation of things that i have been pondering on for many, many days now.

i found out many months ago that my college bestfriend has a new boyfriend. make a wild guess where i found out? yes, Friendster. he's NOT AT ALL gwapo, so i thought 'he's probably just one flavor'. and then recently, i found out that it's already a serious relationship that might end up in marriage. guess again? yes, Friendster again -- basing it on her primary pic's caption and her friend's comment. you might say that Friendster's unreliable, but you see, she's not the type who would kid on topics like 'serious relationships' and 'getting married'. she hated the idea of marriage, of settling down, of nights without gimiks. i can still hear her malulutong na 'p*tang ina' and see her cringe when i tease her about it. so i guess, i've been missing out on a whole lot. i miss the maldita.

Kana is just one (best) friend that i have been missing on. there are more of them out there.

yup, things do change -- that includes our priorities and the situations that we're in. before, i have all my time to spend with my friends and my family. i even get to spend some alone time then. now, i'm almost always rushing and always seems like i don't have time to waste. a 5-minute moment to stare blankly and not think is a blessing, a half-hour to stay put and relax would be a miracle. i even feel guilty for not being able to pray constantly at night. and, when i do remember, i doze off when i reach the part..uhm.. see i don't even remember which part. i just doze off.

what i am trying to say is that i always try to be a good friend, a good in law, a good mom, a good wife, a good daughter, a good cousin, a good nephew, etc. i always try to be a good person. i give what i can. i offer what i can. i'm not saying that it's the best you can get, but it's what i can right now. if i can give more, why not. but, i cannot YET. so maybe, i should stop being hard, if not harsh, to myself thinking that i am not good.

that's just the first one.

second, i think i need to get rid of things that i feel are unnecessary. question is, do i listen to my gut feel or to my head?

first thing that comes to my mind when i say 'get rid' is the job i have right now. i'm considering it a part of "things that i feel are unnecessary". but, when i say "get rid of things i 'think' is unnecessary", that changes. "feel" and "think" is different. do i follow my heart, my gut feel, my intuition? or do i follow my head and be more practical? once i've read (or heard) that "you should follow your head because it (actually) follows your heart". do you think that's true?

why do i think i feel that my employment right now is unnecessary? i can only think of these reasons : it eats up so much of my time, it's not rewarding, it's complicated, it confines, it gets boring sometimes, i just know that i can do more outside.

why do i stay? for practical reasons -- me and my husband needs to stay employed and earn money for basic necessities (but we both badly want to financially advance, we're just waiting for opportunities, a big break from the Big Boss) -- and, because i finally found people - some of them i can now consider my new set of friends and some of them i just find entertaining.

moving along -- my confusion on the signs that are coming my way on things i've been longing for to happen, i would just have to play by the ear. come what may.

~(*^*)~

btw, i luuurvv my new set of blouse uniforms. mas maluwag ng konti than my old ones. :op