weight issues

all of us who are 2-way radio users in the office will be renewing our license within this week. we were asked to fill up a License Renewal Form which i accomplished so easily except for one item -- WEIGHT.

i weighed 118 lbs. when i was single. then, i got married and weighed 128 lbs. after giving birth to my first child, Stef. i trimmed down a few more pounds and gained it back again without any problem. my uniform got tighter and tighter. then, i became pregnant, carried my bunso for nine months (btw, that's the normal time span to carry a human in your tummy), gave birth and earned a whopping 138 lbs of weight. i trimmed down a couple of pounds then my weight shoot up again.

guess what number the scale is at now? i won't tell. bleh.

i lied in the License Renewal Form. i said i was 130 lbs. but i'm not.

you see, i hate numbers. they're so annoying. that's why i took up communication arts in the royal and pontifical university. that's why i choose the vocab or grammar category in Freerice.com instead of math. that way, i get to donate more rice.

this is why i get kind of bitchy, and kind of cranky, and kind of anti-social after someone greets me with a rude- "huy, tumataba ka". at paulit-ulit ha. ayaw tumigil. ang sarap kalbuhin!

this is also why i get paranoid that my husband doesn't find me pretty anymore. i get paranoid and disappointed on many things. like two nights ago, he asked me if he can go to the Tayag's house to visit Armil who was going back to the US soon. the paranoid thought to herself, "bakit kaya hindi nya ko sinasama?" then a good angel whispered, "baka kasi all boys lang, or baka kasi iniisip nya pagos na si Ma (mother-in-law), i-sub mo na s'ya sa pag-aalaga sa mga bata." Oo nga naman. later that night, i asked him through text, "sino-sino kayo dyan?". he replied, "si Armil, asama ni Armil, si Algin, asawa ni Algin, si Allen, asawa ni Allen, si Tikboy, asawa ni Tikboy, ako, si Arjay nakipaglamay sandali." wow, husbands and wives except for Arjay who is single.

this is also why i don't have a new picture -- be it in my blog, in my Friendster, in my Plurk and other webpages which i have a profile on.

in spite of my weight issues, i'm not hating myself. i'm not even hating how i look. i'm just worried about not being able to care for myself which is necessary. it is necessary -- health-wise, etc.

by the way, speaking of pictures.. i need two 1x1 photos to attach to the renewal form. i would probably get photos from for my old stock files. ;p

Waiting for the Bus
Artist : Eraserheads

i've standing here
waiting for the bus on a Saturday
laundry on my back ultraviolet rays
like i'm posing for a shot in a magazine
what the hell does it mean?

i'm a travelling man straight from the can
i'm a thousand miles away from my number one fan
my folks are getting tight
won't let me out at night
you can't avoid the complications
when there's no reason at all
when the lightning stikes me dry
i'll drink my beer, i'll wipe my tears
southbound in the sky

another crime, another reason gets you everyday
the only time that you can talk,
you ain't nothing to say
well i'm caught up in a stupid game
that i can't play
it's just a waste of time
but i'm in anyway

i've been sitting here
watching the signs too many cars at night
belching in the moonlight
we're doing ninety as the sky turns to grey
the people look like bees buzzing by the highway
the wheels are rolling like a rolling stone
alone i choose the road less traveled on

now i'm lying here
waiting for the day on the second deck
dreaming of a girl from a fairytale
chain around my neck
a ride is all it takes but pains get in the way

~(*^*)~
note: forgive my blog for seeming like a songhits. at least it's not all lyrics, it also has my randoms, accompanied by my current LSS songs. hehehe