a big chunk of my current happy state of mind comes from (partially) letting go of a dream i once had.

giving birth to an idea, which my friends at work thought was brilliant, was too exciting. my energy shoots up everytime someone wants to hear more about the idea. ibig sabihin 'benta'. i can already foresee the success, the affirmations, the growth and the giving back (how on earth can i forget? => ).

on the first night that i was jotting down notes of the things i need to do, the strategic and creative juices just oozed out. i was so thrilled and itching to start. i considered many options and thought of fall backs and contingency plans. i was so positive.

then, reality set in when i actually started to do things step by step. one by one, my options faded. the dream became blurry. frustrations appeared in every turn. i felt helpless. i was in a way envious of people who were doing ok being content with what they have. all these made me kind of sad. i was too stubborn to accept that the dream might not be realized yet. i just don't want to give up. typical taurus.

coincidentally, Kakai used a YM stat saying something like "the hardest part in life is to let go of your dream." if i may re-word Kakai's YM stat, it would be "the hardest part in dreaming is waking up." after weeks of feeling helpless and frustrated, heaven sent me a in a form of a chat status. so i chatted her up. finally i have someone, a long time friend for that matter, whom i can share my sentiments with. so i asked her, "ang hirap noh? so hindi mo na itutuloy?" she answered, "hindi ko pa sya totally ile-let go. uunti-untiin ko na lang."

tama. konti-konti. dahan-dahan. paliit-liit. wag magmadali.

so now, i'm not rushing anymore because i am now believing, really 'believing', that it will come. the dream will be realized. maybe slowly, but surely it will be realized. besides, there's more to learn. more to learn about myself, about people, about things, about management. i don't want to be standing there, in front of my dream, half-baked and dazed in the middle.